We spend a lot of time planning for our weddings, But how much time do we really spend planning for the marriage.
Here are some things to remember as you embark upon your journey to marital purpose.
1. Marriage is a lifelong commitment. Your marriage will go through tough times, but remember you’re in it for the long haul. Don’t succumb to the microwave mentality of our time. Marriage is hard work and each partner should be willing to put in their fair share to make it last. Anything worth having is worth working for. Marriage is no exception. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." - James 1:2.
2. Forgiveness is an essential expectation of marriage but it comes with a counterpart and that’s forgetting.. “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, you Father will not forgive your sins." - Matthew 6:14-15. This is a commandment with a promise. If you desire forgiveness from God you must learn to forgive. That includes your husband. But it’s forgetting in marriage that can be downright impossible. How can you be expected to forget the horrible words, the devastating arguments, or worse yet, the affair? Truthfully, there is no cut and dry answer to this question. Only God can give the courage and strength to truly forgive from your heart. But it is important to remember that when you don’t forgive the only person you are hurting is yourself.
3. Admitting when you’re wrong and seeking reconciliation with your spouse can be both difficult and humbling. Many of us would rather jump off a bridge than to admit the error of our ways. But the Word says "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you; leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." - Matthew 5:23-24. Admitting that I’m wrong has sometimes been difficult for me because in my mind it was admitting that I was imperfect, I was weak, frail. Over the years God has convicted my spirit and taught me that without Him I am weak, frail, and imperfect. Only He can perfect our imperfection. So learn to admit when you’re wrong and ask for forgiveness from the one whom you’ve offended.
4. Communication, as Keith has taught me, is very important. But communication should be done from a non-judgmental, non-condemning standpoint.
5. Don't try to change your spouse. Instead, try to encourage and strengthen each other. You can’t change your spouse, but you can change yourself. "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, `Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. - Luke 6:41-42. I spent years learning this lesson. Why I thought I was powerful enough to change God’s creation is beyond me, but I tried to no avail. Then one day I decided that my spouse wasn’t the one that needed changing. It was me. What an “aha” moment. Once I came to that realization, life was much sweeter. You do your job and allow God to do his.
6. Don't depend on your spouse to fill all your needs. Only God can do that. "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, depends on flesh for his strength whose heart turns away from the LORD." - Jeremiah 17:5.
7. Husbands be willing to fill your God-given role. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." - Ephesians 5:25-28
8. Wives be willing to fill your God-given role. "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." - Ephesians 5:22-24
Expect from your marriage what God expects and in the end it will lead you to a marriage of purpose.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
The Right Attitude for marriage
“Let’s celebrate!” that’s the message a wedding shouts to everyone in attendance. So we celebrate; sometimes even after the bride and groom has departed. We rejoice in the beginning of their new life together, hoping they will live happily ever after. But is that even possible?
The music fades and everyone leans forward to hear this beautiful couple’s words of promise to each other. Standing before God, family members, and friends, they declare their love and commitment to one another. Fast forward 30 years and this now elderly couple enters the restaurant. They sit down to eat. The only conversation is the one held with the waiter. Living in a marital wasteland, they never exchange eye contact, never hold hands. Married for thirty plus years, they find themselves with an empty nest and no relationship because over the years it’s become easier to focus on the aggravations, annoyances, and behaviors that frustrate and anger them in their marriage. They’ve lost sight of the significant gifts of kindness and service they receive from their spouse each day. Their critical negative attitudes have caused them to miss much of the joy of married life.
Hollywood has done a wonderful job making us believe in "happily ever after." What they’ve failed to do is tell us how to maintain it. You see, they don't tell you what it's like to wake up to someone else's bad breath each day or how to respond when the figure is replaced after 40 or so pounds added after childbirth. Why do we spend more time planning for the wedding than we do planning for the marriage?
Great expectations are commonplace when we enter into a marital relationship but most of us are challenged when the reality hits our imagination head on hurling us through the window of our soul to search for a soft place to land only to find that there are chards of glass and steel waiting to cut us into shreds. Happily ever after can only occur if two individuals are or become healthy on all levels; healthy enough to love unconditionally, healthy enough to be complete in their own right and healthy enough to trust God in all things including marriage.
What aids the process of becoming a couple? Why do some couples struggle? How can we turn that struggle into a victory?
Emotional disillusionment in marriage is a symptom of lofty unattainable ideals. False beliefs about our spouse’s ability to fulfill us will only leave us empty and dissatisfied. Scars left by deep and psychic wounds can’t be healed by a spouse. Acceptance, security, significance, and sense of purpose and worthiness are all deep personal needs that can only be attained through the love of God and self. Mental, physical, spiritual and emotional completeness before marriage requires transparency achieved only through open realistic communication. Without it you and your spouse will become emotionless, withdrawn, and unhappy roommates with built up resentment which becomes insurmountable over time.
Knowing who you are and whose you are will quench your deep personal needs. Search for your true identity in the one by whom you were created. Truthfulness about yourself and dealing with the demons hindering your discovery will allow you to begin your marriage as a whole person not looking for someone to complete you but instead looking for someone to compliment you.
So what should you expect from marriage? That it will be the union of two imperfect people coming together mind, body, and soul. These independent people will share a name, a checkbook, and a bed but that won’t make the marriage. Expect that you will leave your old life and enter into an exclusive interdependent lifelong commitment to each other. Anticipate that your spouse will learn to respect the image of God in you and that they will never forget to pray for you daily. Never go to bed angry, (Still working on this one occasionally). Most importantly expect that each of you will be faithful to your vow. Your marriage is sacred ground. God has sanctioned it you must be determined as we are to come together for God’s purposes, no longer two but one. My favorite saying is “Me and you against the world Baby.” The Word tells us “Love is not self- seeking, it’s not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrong.” 1 Corinthians 13:5.
Work at growing your love and your relationship to a deeper level. Put love for God first. Make every effort to have your goals and aspirations mature as your character deepens. These are the expectations that will be rewarded.
Keith and Cheryl Donovan have been married for seventeen years. Not all of then blissful. Yet through it all they have learned to apply biblical principles to their lives taking the lessons learned and transforming them into a marriage of purpose as they share their testimony of love and commitment to the world.
To learn more about Keith and Cheryl and their journey to a marriage of purpose visit: http://www.doyoustilldomarriage.blogspot.com or e-mail them at cherylspeaks@gmail.com
The music fades and everyone leans forward to hear this beautiful couple’s words of promise to each other. Standing before God, family members, and friends, they declare their love and commitment to one another. Fast forward 30 years and this now elderly couple enters the restaurant. They sit down to eat. The only conversation is the one held with the waiter. Living in a marital wasteland, they never exchange eye contact, never hold hands. Married for thirty plus years, they find themselves with an empty nest and no relationship because over the years it’s become easier to focus on the aggravations, annoyances, and behaviors that frustrate and anger them in their marriage. They’ve lost sight of the significant gifts of kindness and service they receive from their spouse each day. Their critical negative attitudes have caused them to miss much of the joy of married life.
Hollywood has done a wonderful job making us believe in "happily ever after." What they’ve failed to do is tell us how to maintain it. You see, they don't tell you what it's like to wake up to someone else's bad breath each day or how to respond when the figure is replaced after 40 or so pounds added after childbirth. Why do we spend more time planning for the wedding than we do planning for the marriage?
Great expectations are commonplace when we enter into a marital relationship but most of us are challenged when the reality hits our imagination head on hurling us through the window of our soul to search for a soft place to land only to find that there are chards of glass and steel waiting to cut us into shreds. Happily ever after can only occur if two individuals are or become healthy on all levels; healthy enough to love unconditionally, healthy enough to be complete in their own right and healthy enough to trust God in all things including marriage.
What aids the process of becoming a couple? Why do some couples struggle? How can we turn that struggle into a victory?
Emotional disillusionment in marriage is a symptom of lofty unattainable ideals. False beliefs about our spouse’s ability to fulfill us will only leave us empty and dissatisfied. Scars left by deep and psychic wounds can’t be healed by a spouse. Acceptance, security, significance, and sense of purpose and worthiness are all deep personal needs that can only be attained through the love of God and self. Mental, physical, spiritual and emotional completeness before marriage requires transparency achieved only through open realistic communication. Without it you and your spouse will become emotionless, withdrawn, and unhappy roommates with built up resentment which becomes insurmountable over time.
Knowing who you are and whose you are will quench your deep personal needs. Search for your true identity in the one by whom you were created. Truthfulness about yourself and dealing with the demons hindering your discovery will allow you to begin your marriage as a whole person not looking for someone to complete you but instead looking for someone to compliment you.
So what should you expect from marriage? That it will be the union of two imperfect people coming together mind, body, and soul. These independent people will share a name, a checkbook, and a bed but that won’t make the marriage. Expect that you will leave your old life and enter into an exclusive interdependent lifelong commitment to each other. Anticipate that your spouse will learn to respect the image of God in you and that they will never forget to pray for you daily. Never go to bed angry, (Still working on this one occasionally). Most importantly expect that each of you will be faithful to your vow. Your marriage is sacred ground. God has sanctioned it you must be determined as we are to come together for God’s purposes, no longer two but one. My favorite saying is “Me and you against the world Baby.” The Word tells us “Love is not self- seeking, it’s not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrong.” 1 Corinthians 13:5.
Work at growing your love and your relationship to a deeper level. Put love for God first. Make every effort to have your goals and aspirations mature as your character deepens. These are the expectations that will be rewarded.
Keith and Cheryl Donovan have been married for seventeen years. Not all of then blissful. Yet through it all they have learned to apply biblical principles to their lives taking the lessons learned and transforming them into a marriage of purpose as they share their testimony of love and commitment to the world.
To learn more about Keith and Cheryl and their journey to a marriage of purpose visit: http://www.doyoustilldomarriage.blogspot.com or e-mail them at cherylspeaks@gmail.com
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Biblical Principle for Marriage for Marriage #7 Abolish the "D" Word
“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6) “’For I hate divorce,’ says the Lord” (Malachi 2:15-16)
Some people argue that divorce is not real or possible. But it certainly is real and possible. Otherwise God would have not told us not to do it! He would have said, “Man CANNOT separate” instead of “let no man separate.” It takes TWO people, with the grace and help of God, to make a marriage succeed. It only takes ONE person to destroy it. Of course, many marriages end in divorce because one spouse (often both spouses) begins to behave with such intense selfishness and self-centeredness that he or she emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and perhaps even physically “leaves” his or her spouse, destroying the covenant. But God has built us in such as way that divorce is always far more painful than we can imagine. Two people who had once become one, are now being ripped apart. Of course, it is not just the obtaining of legal papers of divorcement that rips them apart; it is the sin that has been tearing apart the marriage—sometimes for years—on the part of one, or perhaps both, of the spouses.
But the point is that since God hates divorce, and since divorce causes so much pain to so many people, a couple must commit to doing everything in their power to make sure it doesn’t happen. One person cannot do it alone. This is far more than just saying, “No matter what, we won’t get a divorce.” It means living in such a way and behaving in such a way with each other that divorce becomes unthinkable! Sadly, many couples experience “divorce” even though they remain legally married. And remember, it is not enough for one spouse to commit to make the marriage work. It takes two—with the Lord at the center. Preventing divorce is far more than a commitment not to do it. It is the result of a godly husband and a godly wife living with each other day in and day out according to the wisdom and commands of the Lord.
Copyright 2005 Steve Hall
Some people argue that divorce is not real or possible. But it certainly is real and possible. Otherwise God would have not told us not to do it! He would have said, “Man CANNOT separate” instead of “let no man separate.” It takes TWO people, with the grace and help of God, to make a marriage succeed. It only takes ONE person to destroy it. Of course, many marriages end in divorce because one spouse (often both spouses) begins to behave with such intense selfishness and self-centeredness that he or she emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and perhaps even physically “leaves” his or her spouse, destroying the covenant. But God has built us in such as way that divorce is always far more painful than we can imagine. Two people who had once become one, are now being ripped apart. Of course, it is not just the obtaining of legal papers of divorcement that rips them apart; it is the sin that has been tearing apart the marriage—sometimes for years—on the part of one, or perhaps both, of the spouses.
But the point is that since God hates divorce, and since divorce causes so much pain to so many people, a couple must commit to doing everything in their power to make sure it doesn’t happen. One person cannot do it alone. This is far more than just saying, “No matter what, we won’t get a divorce.” It means living in such a way and behaving in such a way with each other that divorce becomes unthinkable! Sadly, many couples experience “divorce” even though they remain legally married. And remember, it is not enough for one spouse to commit to make the marriage work. It takes two—with the Lord at the center. Preventing divorce is far more than a commitment not to do it. It is the result of a godly husband and a godly wife living with each other day in and day out according to the wisdom and commands of the Lord.
Copyright 2005 Steve Hall
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Biblical Principles for Marriage #6 Sexpectations
“The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:4)
This verse implies that both spouses must discuss and agree with each other about sexual issues. She belongs to him. BUT he belongs to her! The husband and wife must see this as an opportunity to understand each other, learn to be giving and generous to each other, and learn to be patient with each other. If one spouse (either one!) behaves selfishly in this area, there will be massive problems in the marriage. We recommend that you find a good Christian book that goes into detail about the sexual issues in marriage and read and discuss it together
This verse implies that both spouses must discuss and agree with each other about sexual issues. She belongs to him. BUT he belongs to her! The husband and wife must see this as an opportunity to understand each other, learn to be giving and generous to each other, and learn to be patient with each other. If one spouse (either one!) behaves selfishly in this area, there will be massive problems in the marriage. We recommend that you find a good Christian book that goes into detail about the sexual issues in marriage and read and discuss it together
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Biblical Principle for Marriage #5 Get an Understanding
“You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7)
As husbands, we need to get all the knowledge and understanding we can of our wives. This would include studying carefully what others have learned about the natures and differences between men and women and how those differences affect our marriages. Husbands must realize that wives are more easily hurt—and make decisions in light of that understanding. When we do realize that we have said or done something that has hurt our wives, we must be humble enough to admit our wrong and ask for forgiveness. Husbands must learn to “honor” their wives. Each husband can discuss with his wife the kinds of things he might do to help her feel honored. It’s also interesting that God warns us here that He is so serious about our being wise husbands, that if we ignore Him at this point, it will definitely mess up our fellowship with Him! At that point, God is saying, in effect, “First, you go do everything in your power to get things right with your wife. Then you come and talk with Me!”
As husbands, we need to get all the knowledge and understanding we can of our wives. This would include studying carefully what others have learned about the natures and differences between men and women and how those differences affect our marriages. Husbands must realize that wives are more easily hurt—and make decisions in light of that understanding. When we do realize that we have said or done something that has hurt our wives, we must be humble enough to admit our wrong and ask for forgiveness. Husbands must learn to “honor” their wives. Each husband can discuss with his wife the kinds of things he might do to help her feel honored. It’s also interesting that God warns us here that He is so serious about our being wise husbands, that if we ignore Him at this point, it will definitely mess up our fellowship with Him! At that point, God is saying, in effect, “First, you go do everything in your power to get things right with your wife. Then you come and talk with Me!”
Monday, July 5, 2010
Get Help With Your Marriage by Acting Like Newlyweds - Save Your Marriage Now!
By Lucy Morgan-Rowe
Do you need help with your marriage? Do you want to have a more loving and affectionate relationship? Do you want to feel less stress? Do you want to worry less and laugh more? Do you wish you could go back to acting like newlyweds?
Of course you do. Who doesn't? You wouldn't be reading this article if you didn't want help with your marriage. And that's great. It's easier to try to save your marriage and make your relationship work now, even if some cracks are showing, than it would be to pick up the shattered pieces and try to glue it back together.
To begin, think back to when you were newlyweds. With the possible exception of children, what's really changed between then and now?
When you first got married, you likely had money troubles, demanding jobs, chores, and other forms of stress and time-eaters. And yet, back then, you made time for each other and acted like lovers and friends and not like the battling Bickersons or worse. It's possible that now you may be so indifferent that you don't even care enough to fight with each other. Instead, you're just two people that share responsibilities and share a house and maybe, just maybe, share a bed. Other than that, it would be hard to see any resemblance between the couple you are now and who you were as newlyweds.
Again the question is...what's changed?
What's changed is you. Somewhere you've allowed your love affair to slip away.
Of course the newness of your relationship may have faded over time, but why did everything else have to fade? The answer, of course, is that it didn't. But here's the bright light at the end of the tunnel. You can turn the clock back and act like newlyweds again. Seriously! Here's all you have to do to help your marriage.
1) Review your priorities and move each other to the top of the list. You'll still do your jobs, you'll still take care of your children, and you'll handle all of your obligations. But if you share those duties and make each other a priority, then everything won't seem so overwhelming and it all will be less stressful because you're sharing it together.
2) Schedule time together - alone time. If money's tight, make arrangements with another couple in a similar situation to watch each other's kids every week or so. Go out. Stay home. It doesn't matter what you do, just spend some alone time. However, when you're together you must forget about the bills, the family, your jobs and anything else that would take you out of the mindset of newlyweds.
3) Say "I love you" at least once a day and mean it. Say it out loud. Say it at unexpected times. Say it often and sincerely.
4) Kiss and repeat. Not that perfunctory kiss you may give each other as you head out the door, but a real, sweet, tender kiss.
5) Touch more often. Purposely brush up against each other as you pass in the hall. Stroke a face. Caress a back. Hold hands. It's amazing what a simple touch can do to renew the fire in your relationship.
6) Do chores together. There's no reason that the wife has to do the housework while the husband does the yard work. Do it together. It will all get done but you'll be doing it together instead of in separate parts of your home.
7) Laugh more, fight less. Find the humor in situations. There is something funny in almost every situation. You just have to look for it.
8) Be kind to each other and practice the Golden Rule.
9) Respect each other.
10) Surprise each other.
11) Return to the person you were when you first got married.
If you really want help for your marriage, you'll do what's necessary to start acting like newlyweds again. It may feel strange at first, but before you know it, couples will be looking at you and wondering, "Why can't we act like that?" Start today. You may start a trend. And wouldn't that be a much nicer way to live.
Lucy Morgan-Rowe is the main writer of save my marriage.com a marriage site that discusses ways on how to Save Marriages that are on the brink of divorce.
For more great advice and marriage tips, be sure to visit us on the web at our help with marriage page.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lucy_Morgan-Rowe
Do you need help with your marriage? Do you want to have a more loving and affectionate relationship? Do you want to feel less stress? Do you want to worry less and laugh more? Do you wish you could go back to acting like newlyweds?
Of course you do. Who doesn't? You wouldn't be reading this article if you didn't want help with your marriage. And that's great. It's easier to try to save your marriage and make your relationship work now, even if some cracks are showing, than it would be to pick up the shattered pieces and try to glue it back together.
To begin, think back to when you were newlyweds. With the possible exception of children, what's really changed between then and now?
When you first got married, you likely had money troubles, demanding jobs, chores, and other forms of stress and time-eaters. And yet, back then, you made time for each other and acted like lovers and friends and not like the battling Bickersons or worse. It's possible that now you may be so indifferent that you don't even care enough to fight with each other. Instead, you're just two people that share responsibilities and share a house and maybe, just maybe, share a bed. Other than that, it would be hard to see any resemblance between the couple you are now and who you were as newlyweds.
Again the question is...what's changed?
What's changed is you. Somewhere you've allowed your love affair to slip away.
Of course the newness of your relationship may have faded over time, but why did everything else have to fade? The answer, of course, is that it didn't. But here's the bright light at the end of the tunnel. You can turn the clock back and act like newlyweds again. Seriously! Here's all you have to do to help your marriage.
1) Review your priorities and move each other to the top of the list. You'll still do your jobs, you'll still take care of your children, and you'll handle all of your obligations. But if you share those duties and make each other a priority, then everything won't seem so overwhelming and it all will be less stressful because you're sharing it together.
2) Schedule time together - alone time. If money's tight, make arrangements with another couple in a similar situation to watch each other's kids every week or so. Go out. Stay home. It doesn't matter what you do, just spend some alone time. However, when you're together you must forget about the bills, the family, your jobs and anything else that would take you out of the mindset of newlyweds.
3) Say "I love you" at least once a day and mean it. Say it out loud. Say it at unexpected times. Say it often and sincerely.
4) Kiss and repeat. Not that perfunctory kiss you may give each other as you head out the door, but a real, sweet, tender kiss.
5) Touch more often. Purposely brush up against each other as you pass in the hall. Stroke a face. Caress a back. Hold hands. It's amazing what a simple touch can do to renew the fire in your relationship.
6) Do chores together. There's no reason that the wife has to do the housework while the husband does the yard work. Do it together. It will all get done but you'll be doing it together instead of in separate parts of your home.
7) Laugh more, fight less. Find the humor in situations. There is something funny in almost every situation. You just have to look for it.
8) Be kind to each other and practice the Golden Rule.
9) Respect each other.
10) Surprise each other.
11) Return to the person you were when you first got married.
If you really want help for your marriage, you'll do what's necessary to start acting like newlyweds again. It may feel strange at first, but before you know it, couples will be looking at you and wondering, "Why can't we act like that?" Start today. You may start a trend. And wouldn't that be a much nicer way to live.
Lucy Morgan-Rowe is the main writer of save my marriage.com a marriage site that discusses ways on how to Save Marriages that are on the brink of divorce.
For more great advice and marriage tips, be sure to visit us on the web at our help with marriage page.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lucy_Morgan-Rowe
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Biblical Principle for Marriage #4 Unconditional Love
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,” (Ephesians 5: 25-29)
A selfish, self-centered, demanding husband can also destroy a marriage. When a husband convinces his wife that he loves her with an unconditional, selfless kind of love, it makes it very easy for her to defer to his leadership. Jesus sacrificed Himself for His bride, the church. Husbands are to love their wives with that same kind of self-sacrificial love. This means more than just being willing to die for our wives. It means sacrificing things, day-by-day, that we might prefer to do but that would not be in the best interest of our wives. Of course, just because a husband loves his wife, doesn’t guarantee that his wife will always quickly reciprocate. Remember the analogy of Christ and the church. Jesus is always loving. But sometimes those whom He loves do not respond with a submissive deference to Him like we should. He just keeps on loving us
Copyright 2005 Steve Hall
A selfish, self-centered, demanding husband can also destroy a marriage. When a husband convinces his wife that he loves her with an unconditional, selfless kind of love, it makes it very easy for her to defer to his leadership. Jesus sacrificed Himself for His bride, the church. Husbands are to love their wives with that same kind of self-sacrificial love. This means more than just being willing to die for our wives. It means sacrificing things, day-by-day, that we might prefer to do but that would not be in the best interest of our wives. Of course, just because a husband loves his wife, doesn’t guarantee that his wife will always quickly reciprocate. Remember the analogy of Christ and the church. Jesus is always loving. But sometimes those whom He loves do not respond with a submissive deference to Him like we should. He just keeps on loving us
Copyright 2005 Steve Hall
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Cheryl Lacey Donovan: Ministry Partners
Cheryl Lacey Donovan: Ministry Partners: "Becoming a Covenant Partner with Worth More than Rubies Ministries provides you with a remarkable opportunity to reach millions around the ..."
Monday, June 28, 2010
Infidelity: How to Forgive Yourself for Cheating
Author: Michelle Langley
There is plenty of information available to help the spouse who's been cheated on, yet there is very little information available to help the wayward spouse. Countless relationships end as a result of infidelity. However, it's not necessarily because the spouse found out and couldn't forgive the behavior; it's because the person who cheated couldn't forgive themselves.
If you are trying to come to terms with having cheated on your spouse, then you need to start viewing cheating for what it is - a bad choice. It's nothing more and nothing less. The old adage, "once a cheater, always a cheater" is nothing more than a judgment which is intended to deter people from cheating in the first place. Don't buy into this belief about yourself. Who you are today is not who you were yesterday. Likewise, who you are in a burning building is very different from who you are at a picnic. Our circumstances at any given moment can change who we are, once we understand this about ourselves we can begin to live at a level of awareness where choosing our behavior becomes possible.
Many would argue, (myself included) that it's best to tell your spouse what has happened, unfortunately though, many of us aren't in relationships that can withstand anything less than the image we project. However, that's not to say that our relationships can't or won't get to that level in the future.
If you find that you're in a situation where you don't feel you can share your indiscretion with your spouse without destroying your relationship, and yet, you also don't feel as though you can remain in your relationship without disclosing what's happened, then try the following:
First, find a couple hours where you can be alone without any chance of being interrupted (you will need a pen and notepad for this exercise). Now, I want you to write down everything that happened leading up to and including the indiscretion. The process is the same whether it was a one time encounter or an ongoing affair.
After you have written down everything in vivid detail, try to remember if there was anything you were afraid of prior to the incident. Typically, some type of fear precipitates cheating on a partner. For instance, were you afraid of not having anything to look forward to in the future? Were you afraid of getting older? Did you feel that this was your last chance at happiness and/or excitement? Were you afraid that your spouse was cheating on you? Really try to think back to what you were feeling at the time.
After you're finished answer this question, If I could go back, would I still make the same decision today, or would I choose differently? If your answer is "yes, I would choose differently," then write down all of the reasons you would make a different choice today.
I want you to reread everything that you've written. Take it all in one last time. Now, I want you to tear up what you've written and throw it away. You've acknowledged what's happened and you've come to the conclusion that this is not a decision you would make again in the future. Therefore, there is no need to revisit this experience again.
However, you may find that there are times when you will still feel guilty. Cheating is a little like dieting. So often when people cheat on their diets, they give up and stop trying to diet at all. It can be the same way with cheating on your spouse. People often give up on their relationships because they cheated. The guilt causes the cheater as well as the dieter to want to start over with a clean slate. So, the dieter goes on a binge and decides to start fresh with a new diet. Likewise, the cheater does the same thing - they give up on their relationship and they decide to start fresh with a new partner. If you can see the insanity in this behavior in terms of dieting then you should also be able to see the insanity in this behavior when it comes to relationships. A dieter with this type of mentality will most likely never lose weight; instead they will simply keep going back to the beginning, or in other words, starting over. If you apply this same logic to your relationship, expect the same results; plan to continue going back to the beginning to start over again with a new partner.
In the future, if you start to feel guilty about this again, I want you to read the following paragraph. In fact, reread it every time you catch yourself starting to feel even a twinge of guilt:
My relationship is not tarnished because of my behavior. I made a bad choice; however, no single decision has the potential to define who I am. I have not lost anything from this experience except the ignorance which is necessary to judge myself and others. I will forgive myself today - only by doing so will I be able to love and give again to the people around me
Now, I want to leave you with a question.
Wouldn't you rather be in a relationship with someone who knows they are capable of cheating and yet they are consciously choosing to be faithful; as opposed to someone who mistakenly thinks they are just naturally incapable of certain behaviors? If you have cheated on your partner you now have the ability to choose to be faithful instead of naively or childishly just assuming it about yourself; which means you now have the wisdom and experience to be truly trustworthy.
See, you really do deserve to be free from this guilt!
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/infidelity-how-to-forgive-yourself-for-cheating
There is plenty of information available to help the spouse who's been cheated on, yet there is very little information available to help the wayward spouse. Countless relationships end as a result of infidelity. However, it's not necessarily because the spouse found out and couldn't forgive the behavior; it's because the person who cheated couldn't forgive themselves.
If you are trying to come to terms with having cheated on your spouse, then you need to start viewing cheating for what it is - a bad choice. It's nothing more and nothing less. The old adage, "once a cheater, always a cheater" is nothing more than a judgment which is intended to deter people from cheating in the first place. Don't buy into this belief about yourself. Who you are today is not who you were yesterday. Likewise, who you are in a burning building is very different from who you are at a picnic. Our circumstances at any given moment can change who we are, once we understand this about ourselves we can begin to live at a level of awareness where choosing our behavior becomes possible.
Many would argue, (myself included) that it's best to tell your spouse what has happened, unfortunately though, many of us aren't in relationships that can withstand anything less than the image we project. However, that's not to say that our relationships can't or won't get to that level in the future.
If you find that you're in a situation where you don't feel you can share your indiscretion with your spouse without destroying your relationship, and yet, you also don't feel as though you can remain in your relationship without disclosing what's happened, then try the following:
First, find a couple hours where you can be alone without any chance of being interrupted (you will need a pen and notepad for this exercise). Now, I want you to write down everything that happened leading up to and including the indiscretion. The process is the same whether it was a one time encounter or an ongoing affair.
After you have written down everything in vivid detail, try to remember if there was anything you were afraid of prior to the incident. Typically, some type of fear precipitates cheating on a partner. For instance, were you afraid of not having anything to look forward to in the future? Were you afraid of getting older? Did you feel that this was your last chance at happiness and/or excitement? Were you afraid that your spouse was cheating on you? Really try to think back to what you were feeling at the time.
After you're finished answer this question, If I could go back, would I still make the same decision today, or would I choose differently? If your answer is "yes, I would choose differently," then write down all of the reasons you would make a different choice today.
I want you to reread everything that you've written. Take it all in one last time. Now, I want you to tear up what you've written and throw it away. You've acknowledged what's happened and you've come to the conclusion that this is not a decision you would make again in the future. Therefore, there is no need to revisit this experience again.
However, you may find that there are times when you will still feel guilty. Cheating is a little like dieting. So often when people cheat on their diets, they give up and stop trying to diet at all. It can be the same way with cheating on your spouse. People often give up on their relationships because they cheated. The guilt causes the cheater as well as the dieter to want to start over with a clean slate. So, the dieter goes on a binge and decides to start fresh with a new diet. Likewise, the cheater does the same thing - they give up on their relationship and they decide to start fresh with a new partner. If you can see the insanity in this behavior in terms of dieting then you should also be able to see the insanity in this behavior when it comes to relationships. A dieter with this type of mentality will most likely never lose weight; instead they will simply keep going back to the beginning, or in other words, starting over. If you apply this same logic to your relationship, expect the same results; plan to continue going back to the beginning to start over again with a new partner.
In the future, if you start to feel guilty about this again, I want you to read the following paragraph. In fact, reread it every time you catch yourself starting to feel even a twinge of guilt:
My relationship is not tarnished because of my behavior. I made a bad choice; however, no single decision has the potential to define who I am. I have not lost anything from this experience except the ignorance which is necessary to judge myself and others. I will forgive myself today - only by doing so will I be able to love and give again to the people around me
Now, I want to leave you with a question.
Wouldn't you rather be in a relationship with someone who knows they are capable of cheating and yet they are consciously choosing to be faithful; as opposed to someone who mistakenly thinks they are just naturally incapable of certain behaviors? If you have cheated on your partner you now have the ability to choose to be faithful instead of naively or childishly just assuming it about yourself; which means you now have the wisdom and experience to be truly trustworthy.
See, you really do deserve to be free from this guilt!
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/infidelity-how-to-forgive-yourself-for-cheating
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Biblical Principle for Marriage #3 Submission Impossible
“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:22-24)
A marriage can only thrive when the wife defers to the husband. A selfish, self-centered, demanding wife can destroy a marriage. But notice that the husband is NOT given the responsibility to try to MAKE his wife submit! It is between her and the Lord. Ideally, the husband will be so loving and obviously dedicated to his wife’s well being that she will find it a joy to defer to him. Certainly, even if the husband has lots of spiritual growing to do, he is more likely to experience that growth when his wife maintains a submissive spirit. Normally, a husband and wife can come to agreement by graciously and honestly discussing their differences. In those rare times when an impasse is reached, the wife should make it her determination to defer to her husband.
A wife who rejects this principle is in danger of destroying her marriage. An angry, selfish, demanding, rebellious wife can result in the death of a marriage even without legal divorce papers
A marriage can only thrive when the wife defers to the husband. A selfish, self-centered, demanding wife can destroy a marriage. But notice that the husband is NOT given the responsibility to try to MAKE his wife submit! It is between her and the Lord. Ideally, the husband will be so loving and obviously dedicated to his wife’s well being that she will find it a joy to defer to him. Certainly, even if the husband has lots of spiritual growing to do, he is more likely to experience that growth when his wife maintains a submissive spirit. Normally, a husband and wife can come to agreement by graciously and honestly discussing their differences. In those rare times when an impasse is reached, the wife should make it her determination to defer to her husband.
A wife who rejects this principle is in danger of destroying her marriage. An angry, selfish, demanding, rebellious wife can result in the death of a marriage even without legal divorce papers
Monday, June 21, 2010
Forgiveness the Cure for Offense
Joseph did nothing wrong yet he was sold into slavery by his own brothers.
It is often difficult as a believer to face trials and tribulations. But we are told in scripture that we are to expect certain sorrows and attacks from the enemy. However when the situations arise at the hands of those closest to us is can be difficult to understand. The Bible calls this an offense. The Greek word "skandalon" means something contrary to expectation that brings disappointment.
There's no doubt about it the closer the relationship the more severe the pain of the offense. But it is important to understand that the offense is harmless unless we allow it to take root in our spirit and grow. Jesus Himself told us in Luke 17:1 it's impossible not to be offended in this life. Therefore the question isn't will you be offended but how you will deal with it when you are offended.
If we allow these offenses to take root and grow because we nurse it, water it, protect it, feed it, and give it attention eventually it turns into bitterness. The root then becomes hard to pull up and causes you to be corrupted. Hebrews 12:15 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.
Joseph was wise. He knew not to allow another's sin to affect his relationship with God even when he lost his inheritance and his freedom. His chosen response was to forgive. Joseph let God deal with the offense against him rather than dealing with it himself. As he was going through Joseph didn't realize that in God's providence he was being prepared to rule. He didn't understand that he was part of his family's salvation.
Forgiveness is the only cure for offense. When we forgive we release the power of God to bring good out of a bad situation.
It is often difficult as a believer to face trials and tribulations. But we are told in scripture that we are to expect certain sorrows and attacks from the enemy. However when the situations arise at the hands of those closest to us is can be difficult to understand. The Bible calls this an offense. The Greek word "skandalon" means something contrary to expectation that brings disappointment.
There's no doubt about it the closer the relationship the more severe the pain of the offense. But it is important to understand that the offense is harmless unless we allow it to take root in our spirit and grow. Jesus Himself told us in Luke 17:1 it's impossible not to be offended in this life. Therefore the question isn't will you be offended but how you will deal with it when you are offended.
If we allow these offenses to take root and grow because we nurse it, water it, protect it, feed it, and give it attention eventually it turns into bitterness. The root then becomes hard to pull up and causes you to be corrupted. Hebrews 12:15 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.
Joseph was wise. He knew not to allow another's sin to affect his relationship with God even when he lost his inheritance and his freedom. His chosen response was to forgive. Joseph let God deal with the offense against him rather than dealing with it himself. As he was going through Joseph didn't realize that in God's providence he was being prepared to rule. He didn't understand that he was part of his family's salvation.
Forgiveness is the only cure for offense. When we forgive we release the power of God to bring good out of a bad situation.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Biblical Principle for Marriage #2 Don't be Unequally Yoked
“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14)
Both husband and wife must be Christians. This verse is the reason we strongly discourage even dating between believers and unbelievers. Once the dating process has started, it is too easy for our emotions to overwhelm our wisdom and strength and lead us to a bad decision. If a man or woman is unwilling to trust Christ before getting into a serious emotional relationship with a Christian, he or she will be unlikely to trust Christ after the relationship has gotten serious. Most young people have a difficult time understanding how difficult it is to have a strong marriage or how difficult it is to agree on what’s best for children later on in the marriage when one of the spouses is a non-Christian.
Copyrigt 2005 Steve Hall
Both husband and wife must be Christians. This verse is the reason we strongly discourage even dating between believers and unbelievers. Once the dating process has started, it is too easy for our emotions to overwhelm our wisdom and strength and lead us to a bad decision. If a man or woman is unwilling to trust Christ before getting into a serious emotional relationship with a Christian, he or she will be unlikely to trust Christ after the relationship has gotten serious. Most young people have a difficult time understanding how difficult it is to have a strong marriage or how difficult it is to agree on what’s best for children later on in the marriage when one of the spouses is a non-Christian.
Copyrigt 2005 Steve Hall
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Biblical Principle for Marriage #1 Leave and Cleave
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Ephesians 5:31)
Do not allow relationships with parents to become too important. A common problem is to “complain” to a parent when we are not happy with a spouse. Some parents are always hearing negative things about their son-in-law or daughter-in-law. These kinds of things can accumulate in the hearts of parents and create resentment toward their child’s spouse. Other spouses go to their parents every time there is a problem to be solved. While it is true that parents can offer great wisdom, our first strategy should always be to pray things through and talk things over thoroughly with our spouse. Then, with his/her agreement, we may wish to discuss things with our parents. Obviously, we should do everything we can to strengthen the relationship between our parents and our spouse.
These passages point out the extremely important Biblical principle that a married couple are not really "two," they are "one." When we see ourselves as a unit instead of two individuals, we will be able to experience the joy and excitement that God means marriage to be. Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. We are all still battling "the world, the flesh, and the devil." But when conflicts arise they should serve to remind us that, for the moment, we have ceased to realize we are one! When we realize that we are one, we will put everything we have into pleasing each other, encouraging each other, helping each other, standing by each other, and, in general, simply loving each other. We have one purpose. We have one goal. We have one life together. We are one.
Copyright 2005 Steve Hall
Do not allow relationships with parents to become too important. A common problem is to “complain” to a parent when we are not happy with a spouse. Some parents are always hearing negative things about their son-in-law or daughter-in-law. These kinds of things can accumulate in the hearts of parents and create resentment toward their child’s spouse. Other spouses go to their parents every time there is a problem to be solved. While it is true that parents can offer great wisdom, our first strategy should always be to pray things through and talk things over thoroughly with our spouse. Then, with his/her agreement, we may wish to discuss things with our parents. Obviously, we should do everything we can to strengthen the relationship between our parents and our spouse.
These passages point out the extremely important Biblical principle that a married couple are not really "two," they are "one." When we see ourselves as a unit instead of two individuals, we will be able to experience the joy and excitement that God means marriage to be. Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. We are all still battling "the world, the flesh, and the devil." But when conflicts arise they should serve to remind us that, for the moment, we have ceased to realize we are one! When we realize that we are one, we will put everything we have into pleasing each other, encouraging each other, helping each other, standing by each other, and, in general, simply loving each other. We have one purpose. We have one goal. We have one life together. We are one.
Copyright 2005 Steve Hall
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